Wow, it has been a long time since I have written. How did I let this happen? Well I am sure laziness may have been partly at fault. It made me think about what has happened in my life lately. My prayer life has increased tremendously but but has my trust level grown with it?
I pray the Liturgy of the Hours morning, evening, and night prayers, it is something I started over a year ago and while I find my life much happier and I can honestly say stress does not bother me like it used to, do I fell I holier? No, I still have my sins. Many times I go to confession and think, “I have to confess those same sins every time I come here, the priest is going to throw me out and tell me to straighten up and fly right!” But thankfully God does not think on human terms, just as our parents would get frustrated with us for getting in trouble constantly they still love us. I can imagine God looking down with a pad and pen shaking his head every time I sin thinking, “Why doesn’t Dan learn? Why the same mistakes? Where is his willpower?” Yet when I go to a priest and ask God for forgiveness I am assured that he forgives me and still loves me. What a gift!
When I pray I may also ask God to help us with something. I think I want something very much and that I need it. If I get what I ask for, I am happy, but did I remember to thank God for this gift? What if I do not get what I ask for? Am I upset, angry, forsaken? Do I trust God will give me what I need AND can handle? How many times have I been told that God will only give me what I can handle? Do I truly believe that? Am I prepared for either outcome? I guess I need to pray more and ask God to help me learn to trust him. I have proven I cannot do this on my own and that I need him in my life so why not trust that he will give me what I need when I need it. That is something for me to think about, and pray about.